Australia

If we open with a big wink, like an overstated globe-spanning title card and then a boomerang in the first shot, and then propel the first hour with fish-out-of-water comedy, we can convince the audience they're having enough fun to endure both a cattle stampede (with cliff) and an uncrossable desert. By that time they'll have been swept up in the epicness of the production and forgotten that a guileless old-Hollywood storyline, though relatively novel nowadays, still needs to justify itself by being good. So THEN we roll out the big air raid set piece and drag the fake drama through the post-attack sludge until we definitely qualify for epic running time. Throw in a wacky crocodile attack at the midpoint just to be safe.